


I Don't Wanna Keep Secrets Just to Keep You

by DogsAreTheBest312



Series: I Promise That You'll Never Find Another Like Me [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Not for Doctor/River shippers, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24189727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DogsAreTheBest312/pseuds/DogsAreTheBest312
Summary: Amy, Rory, and River know that The Doctor traveled with people before them. They just didn’t know the exact scope of how many, or how important some of them they were to him. One pink and yellow human in particular. Not for Doctor/River shippers. I repeat, not for Doctor/River shippers.Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't trueI don't wanna keep secrets just to keep youAnd I, snuck in through the garden gateEvery night that summer just to seal my fateAnd I screamed, "For whatever it's worth"I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song (one-sided), Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler (Past)
Series: I Promise That You'll Never Find Another Like Me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732978
Comments: 7
Kudos: 137





	I Don't Wanna Keep Secrets Just to Keep You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [empty rooms (the secret companion)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/620113) by luluhrh. 



> Welcome to the second one-shot in this series!
> 
> This one is different from the last. I didn’t go for fluff this time, it’s got some angst to it.
> 
> I’m not a big River fan. Mostly I just think she’s ok, but I really hate that she’s The Doctor’s wife. Even if I wasn’t a Doctor/Rose shipper, I wouldn’t like that aspect of River’s character. She just wasn’t there enough for the relationship to be believable for me. You don’t fall in love with someone who you never really know. I do think that River loves him (though I see her as the Severus Snape to Rose’s James Potter… and I just got a fic idea). I’m just not convinced it goes both ways. I said it in the description/tags, but I’ll say it again. This is not for Doctor/River shippers.
> 
> For The Doctor, Amy, and Rory, this is set between “Asylum of the Daleks” and “The Angels Take Manhattan.” River comes from between “Flesh and Stone” and “The Angels Take Manhattan.” It also is in an AU where The Doctor and Rose got married before “Doomsday” but The Doc still left her and Corin (the name TenToo takes according to _The Turning of the Tide_ ) at BWB.
> 
> I’ll be honest, I’m not 100% happy with how this one turned out, especially the end. But I’ve agonized over this thing for a week and a half. I’ll probably end up rewriting it at some point.
> 
> Song of the fic: [“Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic8j13piAhQ)
> 
> I don’t think this fits the overall theme of the song, a lover who stays with you no matter what. I based it off of the line that became the title.
> 
> Aaaaaaand, my attempt to write a short author’s note has epically failed. Again. Maybe next time.

It was days like this that Amy was grateful the TARDIS was so big. Once again, The Doctor was stuck under the TARDIS console doing repairs. Normally he’d take them home or to an entertainment planet while he did this. However, the materialization circuit decided to fritz while they were in the Vortex, so they were stuck until The Doctor managed to fix it with parts he had on hand.

Luckily, Rory and River were just as eager as her to find something to do. And, they just so happened to live in a sentient, never-ending spacetime ship waiting for be explored. The Doctor was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t even look up when they left the console room.

“So, what kind of room are we looking for?” Rory asked. Amy shrugged. They hadn’t set out with a plan in mind, but she figured that the TARDIS would take them where they needed to go. She always did.

“Let’s try and find a room that even The Doctor hasn’t been in yet. He once told me that he’s had this ship for a millennium and a half but still hasn't seen every room.” Even with the time since Demons Run, Amy wasn’t entirely sure about her relationship with River. Due to their unusual circumstances, she felt more like a friend than a daughter.

The three of them continued to wander around the TARDIS, passing the rooms that they already knew, such as the library, entertainment center, and of course the swimming pool. However, eventually they came to the center of what could only be described as a rotunda.

Twelve hallways were equally spaced around the circular room, which was at least 10 meters across. Looking around, Amy could see that each doorway was marked with a single word in what Amy knew to be Circular Gallifreyan. She walked into the hallway directly on their left, Rory and River following her. There were several doors in the hallway, the three closest of which were labeled with names: Susan, Ian, and Barbara. Amy heard River gasp, and turned to see her looking at the first door. Rory also noticed.

“Do you know who that is?” River nodded but didn’t say anything for a minute.

“You two have to have realized that you’re not the first people The Doctor has traveled with. He lived for almost a millennium before he met you. These must be their bedrooms. The Doctor told me about Susan once. She was the first person he traveled with, back in his first body. She was his granddaughter, the daughter of his son that he had in an arranged marriage on Gallifrey. According to him, almost all Time Lord marriages were arranged.” River said the last sentence and a half so quietly Amy wasn’t sure if she and Rory were supposed to hear.

Was, River had said. Susan must’ve died in the Time War with the rest of The Doctor’s people. The thought made Amy’s heart break. She backed out of the hallway and looked at the others. Names like Jamie, Sarah Jane, Peri, and Ace jumped out at her. Every once in a while, River had a sentence or two, things The Doctor had told her about the people who’d lived on the other side of those doors. The rooms were scattered across the various hallways. Amy wondered how they were organized, as there didn’t appear to be any obvious system. The hallways all had differing appearances, from style to color to the floor material. Maybe that’s what determined where the rooms were.

For some reason, the ninth door was completely blocked. There was a steel door covering it (even though none of the other hallways even HAD doors) that had what looked like a very complicated electronic lock. It also had (redundantly in Amy’s opinion) a giant chain across the doorway, held in place with a padlock. Whatever was on the other side of the door, it clearly was not for exploration.

The tenth hallway was the first one to only have one room. Curious as to why “Jack” was so special, Amy opened the door, Rory and River behind her.

The room inside was decorated nicely, but without much personalization. Rory opened the closet to reveal what appeared to be a World War II coat, along with light blue dress shirts and dark trousers. The furniture was a dark wood, and clearly well made. The walls matched the navy blue bedspread. Amy stepped forward to pick up the picture frame on the (extremely dusty) bedside table, the one obvious bit of insight on the owner of the room.

The picture was of three people, two dark-haired men stood on either side of a blonde woman. The man on the right wore the coat hanging in the closet, and Amy took this as a sign that he was Jack. He stood with his hands on his hips, and cocky smile on his face. He was extremely handsome, with dark hair and blue eyes. The woman stood to his right, and was clearly younger than her companions. She was blonde, though Amy could see some brown at her roots. She wore a denim jacket over a bright pink V-neck T-shirt. She too looked at the camera, though her smile was simply happy rather than cocky. The man on the left appeared to be the oldest of the three and had short cropped hair. He wore a dark leather jacket over a dark maroon jumper. Amy noted that while he wasn’t what The Doctor would call a “pretty boy,” he was handsome in his own right. He stood with his arms crossed, but he wasn’t looking at the camera. Instead, he was looking at the woman next to him.

Amy recognized that smile. It was the same one Rory gave her, behind her back before they got together and while looking in her eyes after. The man was clearly in love with this woman. The blonde wasn’t looking at him, though she was leaning towards him slightly. Amy recognized the body language again. It was how she acted around Rory back when she thought he would never love her. You get as close as you dare to without scaring him off. She handed the photo to Rory.

“It’s obvious the two on the left are in love with each other.” Rory, though not as outwardly romantic as his wife, immediately nodded in agreement.

“They look like we did right before we started dating. Best friends who are both too afraid of losing the other to do anything about being in love.” He handed the picture to River, who practically choked when she saw who her parents were talking about. But they were already comparing themselves to the couple and didn’t notice. They did, however, notice when River suddenly put the photo down and walked out of the room. They followed in confusion.

They found her pacing in the middle of the rotunda, muttering to herself. She appeared to be in a state of distress, pulling at her hair and trying not to cry. Rory darted forward and put a hand on her shoulder in comfort.

“What’s wrong? Do you know those people?” River had to take a few deep breaths before answering.

“One night, The Doctor went through all his companions, telling me about each one. Their name, where and when they came from, what they looked like. I also know what he looks like in all of his bodies. The man on the left in that photo was The Doctor in his tenth body. The other man is Jack Harkness. He traveled with The Doctor in that incarnation and met him a few times in the next. But I have no clue who that woman is. And now you’re saying that they were in love with each other.”

Despite their unusual relationship, Amy felt her maternal instinct kick in. Deliberately, she stalked towards the final hallway. “Well let’s find out. If she was so important she’s bound to have a room.”

The last hallway looked identical to the one before it except longer. As Amy stepped onto the grated flooring, she ran her hand along the wall, which was an orange-brown rather than the grey metal she was used to. Of the four doors in this hallway, only two had women’s names on them. She peered in behind Rory as he opened the closer of the two, which was marked “Martha.” The room inside was decorated just as nicely as Jack’s, only with a dark red color scheme rather than navy blue. The room had obviously been emptied of all personal items. Drawers and doors were left open, clearly empty. Like Jack’s room, Martha’s was covered in a layer of dust. Whoever Martha was, she’d planned her leave from the TARDIS, and like Jack hadn’t been back for a long time. Rory closed the door. Turning, Amy realized that River was still in the rotunda.

“River, come on. We’ll figure this out.” When her daughter didn’t move, Amy tried a different tactic. “Melody.” Amy never called River that. “Come on. The Doctor probably didn’t tell you about this woman to spare your feelings. But the TARDIS led us here, so she must think that we have the right to know.” She looked at the other names on the doors. “Do you know who Martha, Mickey, and Donna are?” River nodded, so Amy turned to the last door.

Unlike all the other doors, the last one had no name. Instead, a large image took up almost the entire top half of the door. A white she-wolf stared forward, a long-stemmed rose in her mouth. An arrangement of roses was under her chin, almost like a collar. The entire image was surrounded by what could only be described as pink light, which came off the wolf and the flowers surrounding her. It reminded Amy of images she’d seen of the Aurora Borealis. Quite frankly, the image was beautiful. Whoever had made it had obviously put a lot of effort into its creation. Though she didn’t know the significance of the image, she knew instantly this room must belong to the mysterious woman. After a moment’s hesitation, she opened the door, beckoning Rory and River to follow.

Amy’s first thought on entering the room: pink. This woman’s room had a pink color scheme, and it was everywhere: the bedspread, the walls, the towels she could see through the open door of the bathroom. Well, that explained the pink on the door.

Her second thought: it was personalized. Unlike Jack’s room, which had only had the picture, or Martha’s, which had been completely cleaned out, this room was full of personal items. Just glancing around, Amy could see makeup on the bathroom counter, clothes spilling out of the open closet, and various (probably alien) trinkets scattered around the room. However this woman had left the TARDIS, it hadn’t been intentional on her part.

The third thing Amy noticed is that the room was clean. Unlike then other rooms, both of which had layers of dust, this room was practically spotless. Someone kept this room clean. When she saw the red bow tie sitting on the bedside table, Amy knew who. She followed Rory to the dresser, where he picked up one of the four picture frames resting there.

There were two pictures in the frame. On the right was a copy of the picture in Jack’s room. The picture on the left was of the past Doctor and the blonde woman. They stood arm in arm with each other and looked at each other rather than the camera. They smiled at each other and almost seemed oblivious to the camera.

Picking up the second frame, Amy showed it to her husband. It contained more pictures of the woman, though this time she was with a tall skinny man who always wore a brown pinstriped suit, the jacket of which she realized was draped on the edge of the headboard in this room. From the way they looked at each other, Amy guessed he was also The Doctor. In one photo, the two wore paper crowns, the kind that came from Christmas crackers. They stood with a black man that Amy guessed was Mickey and a blonde woman she took to be the blonde’s mother. In another, The Doctor had his hair slicked back and the woman wore a pink poodle dress with a denim jacket. Another showed the two of them playing with what appeared to be noseless dogs. The fourth was of them with the man and a middle-aged woman.

As Rory set both frames down, Amy moved to the third frame, beckoning River closer. This frame only held one photo, which was of a large group of people. She recognized six of the nine in the group: the four people from the previous photos, and for some reason two Doctors. One wore the same pinstriped suit as the other pictures, but the other wore a plain blue suit with a maroon T-shirt underneath. The photo also had two women that Amy hadn't seen in any other photos but guessed to be Martha and Donna.

They all stood around what was obviously the TARDIS console, though it looked vastly different from the one Amy knew. They appeared to be celebrating something, what she had no clue. It was obvious though that they all were important to The Doctor. Amy wondered what happened to all of them. She was putting the frame back when she saw the last one on the nightstand, which made her freeze.

It was unmistakably a wedding photo. The Doctor has his arms wrapped around the woman, and they had huge smiles on their faces. The woman’s dress was simple yet elegant: a short white number with a sweetheart neckline and long lace sleeves. They looked every bit the perfect happy couple. Amy handed the frame to River with shaking hands, and she took it gingerly. Amy watched her daughter’s face carefully. While she for the most part her face seemed neutral, Amy could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Her name is Rose. Rose Marion Tyler.” The three of them whipped around and saw The Doctor leaning against the doorway. His face was perfectly blank. He stepped forward and took the wedding photo from River’s hands. As he put it back on the dresser, he gave it a ghost of a smile, a tender look like the ones Amy saw in the photos. When The Doctor turned back around, his expression was back to neutral. “I see you found the old companions’ bedrooms.”

“We were bored while you were fixing the console. The TARDIS led us here while we were wandering around.” Rory quickly explained, clearly trying to avoid The Oncoming Storm. “River said that she didn’t know the blonde woman, you said her name was Rose, and Amy guessed this was her room. We didn’t mean to snoop, we were just curious.”

The Doctor chuckled without humor. “Of course you were. Humans, always curious. It’s what led you to the moon and beyond. It’s what led you to poking with things you shouldn’t. It’s what led to me losing everything. It’s what led to me losing her.” The Doctor headed towards the door, but River’s voice stopped him.

“You’ve never once looked at me the way you did her. You never told me about her. I can accept that you were married before me. But I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. Answer me this. Do you love me?”

“You’re my best friends’ daughter. Of course I care about you.” The Doctor didn’t even turn around to say this.

“No, Doctor. Do you love me?”

“You really don’t want me to answer that.” The Doctor’s refusal to even turn around was answer enough.

“But we’re married.”

“In name only.” The Doctor suddenly shouted, whipping around and causing all three of his friends to flinch backwards. He took several deep breaths before speaking again, this time almost a whisper, though his voice rose to normal volume over the course of the first sentence. “I told you once that most marriages on Gallifrey were arranged, almost political contracts rather than marriages. I was trying to give you a hint.

“There were two types of marriages on Gallifrey. One was between two people who cared about each other. Time Lords are telepathic. Typically, our abilities are limited to touch, but we are also able to form a telepathic marriage bond. But that rarely happened, at least publicly. I’m sure there were couples who did so in secret. It was permanent. Even if one spouse died, the other was physically incapable of marrying like that again.”

Here The Doctor looked at the floor, not meeting any of their eyes. “Most marriages just had a hand fastening. It’s what I had with Susan’s grandmother. You were married and expected to both donate genetic material to a loom if required but that was it. There wasn’t even the expectation of living together.” He finally looked up, apology in his eyes. “That’s what we have, River. Nothing more. I made a bond with Rose, even though she wasn’t telepathic. But even if I hadn’t I wouldn’t bond with you that way. I care about you, but not the way you want me to. I’m sorry for never explaining it to you, but I was hoping to spare your feelings.” He moved to leave the room again, but this time it was Rory’s voice that stopped him.

“Who’s the guy in the blue suit? He looks just like you.” Amy was glad that Rory asked what they all were wondering. The Doctor tended to be more patient with him. “And, if you don’t mind telling us, what happened to Rose? It’s obvious neither of you wanted or expected her to leave.”

“He’s a clone of myself that I accidentally created while saving the multiverse.” Glancing at the three blank stares he was receiving, The Doctor continued. “He was created from my severed hand that I’d infused with regeneration energy (long story). He has all my memories up to that point, all my emotions. Exactly like me in every way but one. He’s part human and as a result has a human lifespan.”

The Doctor gestured to the dresser. “I pulled that photo from the TARDIS security feeds. It’s from the last day I saw her, which was the day he was created. I left them together in a parallel world where she and the rest of her family had been trapped. He can give her the one thing that I never could. They can grow old together, have a family. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m jealous of him. I have the TARDIS, the traveling, the life. But he has her.” With that, The Doctor turned and exited the room, leaving Amy, Rory, and River with nothing but memories.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, still not the biggest fan of that ending. But I couldn’t really think of anything other than just summarizing Series 1-2 and Stolen Earth/Journey’s End, and I didn’t want to do that. The two types of marriage thing is my own personal headcanon.
> 
> God, this song. That bridge. This is a song that I blast when home alone and sock skate around my kitchen pretending I’m singing it on stage (and I’m not ashamed to admit I do this at 22). It just has that kind of energy where you want to jump up and dance when it comes on. I really really hope we’re going to get a music video for this one.


End file.
